Days Past Ovulation - Day 8

Today was the first day that 'the wait' was off my mind. We're moving our household so we were very busy today shuttling boxes from the old house to the new one - which is tiring but also fun. I like the part when, after lugging boxes into an empty room, you can stroll around it, inspecting it carefully, discovering its flaws and secrets and imagine all the things you want to do with the new space. Lots of hopes, lots of possibilities.

There is a sweet little space reserved for a new baby....lots of hopes, lots of possibilities.

Days Past Ovulation - Day 7

Today, I'm thinking of "C" in my list of concerns. I am worried about my job. More specifically, I am worried about my job once I tell my employer that I am pregnant (if and when that happens). They are not sure to like it, although I expect they'll be decent. See, I don't want to tell anyone anything about wanting babies, trying to have babies or, in the case I DO get pregnant, that I actually am pregnant...at least until I am well past the scary first trimester and past all the scary tests a 38 pregnant woman is urged to take.

Thing is, there is a chance that just by writing this blog I've let the cat out of the bag. My boss is probably the most savvy cyber sleuth I know and she seems to take pleasure and pride in following the online activities of people she knows. If anyone has seen this blog, it is likely her. There were some comments at the office made yesterday that makes me think that she's onto this blog.

I knew this going in and I started this blog anyway. I don't know what actual consequences there would be to her reading it, but I'm anxious anyway.

Days Past Ovulation - Day 6

So, if you are supposed to ovulate 14 days before your period, and you can test (with Early Response, anyway) 4 days before your period, that would mean I only need to wait until 10 days past ovulation to test. That is correct math isn't it? I am currently at day 6. Do I really only have four to go? Only!?! It feels like forever.

God, how will I ever get through the first trimester (and I am not even pregnant!) if I can't even handle four days. So long to go before it all feels OK.

Days Past Ovulation - Day 5

So, here I am, trying to stay calm. I mentioned last post that I cannot help but convince myself that I can feel physical evidence that I might be pregnant, even though I know that is not likely. Doesn't matter. I seem unable to stay logical. I woke up last night with painful breasts and this morning they feel fuller. This was not a symptom when I was pregnant with my son - at least not until a lot further into that pregnancy. So, even though I know that my mind is probably making it all up, I cannot help but be a little excited. It is nuts.

I hope I'm not setting myself up...

In the Beginning...

I've been pregnant before. Twice, actually. I have one miscarriage and one beautiful baby boy to my credits. He is now 21 months old and I, along with my husband of 15 years, want to give him a brother or sister. Should be easy - and maybe it will be - but I am still very nervous. Here's why...

A) I'm 38. My eggs are old and that makes me worry. There is a chance I won't be able to get pregnant again. Or maybe I'll suffer another miscarriage (which was a truly devastating experience, one I NEVER wish to repeat). Maybe if I was a woman who exercised daily and was 'in the best shape of my life' then I wouldn't sweat it, but I'm not, so I do.


B) The Husband and I have had a challenging year. The stress of new parenthood after so many years together really disrupted our groove and I am worried that having two children will put even more strain on our relationship. I am willing to risk it because I want to have another child desperately, but I am terrified that it will blow my marriage apart.

C) I do not know what to do about my career, such as it is. See, I had a promising business going when I got pregnant. But, since being self-employed meant no mat leave, I took a job and left the business on the sideline. My mat leave is over and I'm now back at the job. I like it, but it is a job not a career and I will not want to go back after a second mat leave. So, what do I do with myself? Revive my business? Mother full time for the next 10 years? I'm 38. What will I be going back to if I go back at 48? Nothing - that is my guess. VERY scary.


So, there you have it, my 3 big concerns. The only one I'm really grappling with right now is A, since I am not even pregnant. But A is big enough, don't you think?